Yarmy's Woes

Something Slow

2012-02-11T19:45:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine came over today and we spent the afternoon doing creative stuffs, talking, and drinking beverages with caffeine. She is a painter, and is inspiring/prodding me to try my hand more regularly at painting. Sadly, I find the idea of painting utterly terrifying, even though it's a medium I wish I was more proficient in. I think at the moment I am simply daunted by the task of getting my basic drawing chops back that jumping into painting just seems a bit too forward to me. Oh well, she got me to paint waves two weeks ago and those didn't turn out looking quite as nightmareish as I had expected.

But this week I woke up knowing I wanted to use graphite. Great big solid hunks of shiny grey mineral were dancing before my eyes and I just couldn't wait to get my hands, clothes, and everything else I touched covered in the stuff. And so that is exactly what happened.

I spent the morning perusing some fun illustrations on deviantart, a site where I have sporadically lurked for at least ten years, and found myself really wanting to draw people. People, people, people, hands, faces, legs, torsos. All of it. Well, I ended up just drawing a head today (props to Michelangelo and the Medicis). But I think I am satisfied for the time being. I worked on it slowly over the course of the afternoon and really felt like I wasn't rushing it, for once. I love to rush things, and so slowing down, talking while I'm drawing, and sipping tea is a pretty good change from my normal frantic pace.

Giuliano de' Medici

I have also learned that it can really help my mental process to listen to something I can actually think about (such as a book on tape or classical music) instead of blasting skrillex or something else I can easily panic too when the project isn't turning out exactly as I had hoped. This is a good lesson for me. More books on tape, less skrillex.

And speaking of books on tape. It turns out the public library has an awful lot of digital downloads available. I think next week I will listen to Pilgrim's Progress since it is good background for my Inkling's reading group. It will also be full of lots of terribly un-subtle allegories and words I forgot/never knew existed. Eeeeeeexcellent.

Praxis

2012-02-04T08:55:00.001-08:00

So I have been working on trying to develop a theory for my new/old creative practice. I am such a purpose oriented person that when I can't find good reasons (and by good I mean personally convincing) to do a particular thing, I tend to denigrate the notion of purpose in general and spiral into a state of overwhelming nihilism. SO, to prevent that from happening, I usually need to come up with some "statement" that I can pull out to convince myself and others that what I am doing has validity. Perhaps "l'art pour l'art" is the only statement I need, but in my experience this so unconvincing to me that I almost certainly become a ferret wielding nihilist.

In the past, my biggest issue has been obsessing over the statement. I have been so attached to the need for the statement, that I cease any praxis and only contemplate theory. Which is not very useful for an artistic practice. So in periods where I haven't made anything, I have come to ask myself, do I just not like making art anymore? And the answer is overwhelmingly, "I don't think so.....". I just love to obsess over questions to which I may never know the answer.

My new goal is to escape this horrible and soul destroying cycle of madness by developing a new theory WHILE engaged in praxis. Genius? That's what I thought. For me, it is time that the active life superseded the contemplative life. I have, like, a good 7-9 years of contemplation under my belt at the very least. So yeah, I think it's time to move on. If I couldn't come up with a good reason for doing the very thing I want to do most over those 7-9 years, I may never. So, time for praxis.

In other news, I will supplement my own batty thoughts with readings from more intellectually organized people, like Arthur C. Danto. This should help with the process of actually developing a theory I can handle stating out loud.

And, last but not least, two things I worked on this week. Which might and some way be a metaphor for my churning insides and brain schisms. They are both pictures of waves. The first is acrylic. The second, which I morphed into a more terrestrial-scape, is graphite.

Hello Portland

2012-02-04T06:09:00.001-08:00

Hi.

It has been so damn long since I wrote anything public on the internet. Which means the very act of even considering writing this entry has made me feel all scared and paranoid again. Which probably means I am going to say something inappropriate and embarrassing. Which can never truly be deleted. And which I will horribly regret for the rest of my life. Oh well!

So anyways, I guess I better do some quick catching up. Myself and M (as I like to refer to my husband) have recently relocated back to the Pacific Northwest after our brief (2.5 year) stint in Michigan. We were there for a variety of reasons; to enjoy the wildlife, brave absurd windchill factors, and experience racial diversity. Actually, these are all just things we happened to notice we were experiencing after we moved there for one singular reason, so M could procure a very special and valuable piece of paper from the University of Michigan. This paper would happen to have his name, the phrase "Doctor of Jurisprudence," and then the signatures of some important people who can vouch for him in case anyone tries to tell him he actually didn't spend 2.5 years in Michigan reading a lot of mundane things (including but not limited to how to determine the property rights of a whale post harpooning) with a convincing level of comprehension.

Anyways, M managed to qualify for his special paper. And there were some other nice people in Oregon who happened to like him and who would also like to employ his services as a Doctor of Jurisprudence in the upcoming year. So here we are. There is only one flaming hoop left at this stage. In 24 days from now he must sit down and convince the State of Oregon that he learned enough during the paper procurement process and that he is of sound enough mind to remember and apply all the things he learned for many years to come. Then maybe he will be able to make a livelihood as a Doctor of Jurisprudence.

But enough about that. What else happened over the last 1.3 years?

-We managed to obtain another cat. This one is big and fluffy and orange and full of trouble. We call him Crookshanks.

-I de facto ran a small business. It wasn't especially pretty.

-I started running and can now last at last 1 mile before I start to feel like a complete bitch.

-I died my hair blonde.

I think that will do for a summary of things up until the present.

Since moving back to Oregon I have managed to make our apartment cozier and more organized than any place we have ever lived. It is good for my anxiety. I also have a, get ready for it, A WHOLE ROOM TO MYSELF! That's right. I can make shit and do whatever I want in it. It is awesome.

So yeah. From this day forward, I shall be making shit and maybe writing about it.

Two Projects

2010-09-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

This week has been spent working on a couple of digital projects. One for Nd, one for Sean.

I feel I was really able to hit the mark with the project for Nd. It is a logo for a city planner turned private planning consultant. I am still working on Sean's, which is for the company he started with a friend in Guatemala. It is coming along, but is mostly still in experimental stages. I haven't come across any idea I am totally crazy about yet, but such is the creative process.

Strangely, I don't really mind sitting in front of the computer for four+ hours working on experimental design projects after a long day of work Odd? Yes, I thought so.

The one thing I am learning is that simple design is usually the most successful. I tend to start cautiously, only introducing one or two elements at a time, but this quickly grows into a stage of frenzied excitement, during which I slowly grow frustrated with the lack of progress I believed surely must await with all the added flourishes, and then, painfully and slowly loosen my den mother grip on their unique wonderfulness and pare them down, one at a time, until the not so shitty stuff remains.

As time consuming and frustrating as the process can be, it is totally and completely necessary because the end product usually shares little or no resemblance with whatever I started out with. It is kind of sad and amusing to think that all those initial seeds of inspiration are usually just delusional little nuggets of desire to create something expressive and beautiful. At least in the end you have a product you would be willing to show your mother without feeling the need to wear a paper bag over your head.

Momo is good. I am good. Mike is OK. He has a lot of homework. But we ordered pizza, so that eased the pain a little.

Gnight blog.

Momo, the Queen of Peaches

2010-09-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

We welcomed Momo into our apartment after a traumatizing car ride home from the humane society. She is in good health the vet says, and should be over her temporary post-shelter kitty cold sometime in the next week. We documented her first evening thoroughly.

Momo! We love you!

Cat Times

2010-09-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

Two pieces of news today.

#1

Gonna get me a piece of glass tomorrow.

What for?

Monoprints. The cheapest form of printmaking around.

#2

Gonna get us a cat tomorrow. That's right, a 12 lb calico kitty. And we might even call her Momo, the Queen of Peaches.

The complex we are in allows pets, so we have decided to take advantage of the opportunity and get a feline companion. It was actually Mike's idea, believe it or not.

And the apartment is just about organized. I finally have assembled our much needed floor lamps and taken the last of the boxes sitting in the hallway down to the storage unit. And I have an art corner. I am going to start using it tomorrow, right after I get my piece of glass. And then there will be much print making. Maybe I'll even rent a booth at the farmer's market this winter.

This is what our apartment looked like the first week we moved in.

And it looks pretty much the same now, minus the bike's in the corner.

And this is the kitchen/art niche the first week we moved in.

It is less barren now, the walls lined with book shelves filled with art supplies.

And yes, I did just have to take my china out the instant we moved in so I could play with it and pretend I was about to cook something fancy. Of course, no such thing happened, but it was fun.

Updated pictures to come once the camera charges.

Sean

2010-09-22T18:18:00.001-07:00

Hello World

2010-09-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

It's like the first blog post automatically posted. Hello World.

But I guess that's how it feels. heh.

I am back in Michigan. i am unpacked. I am working full time. I am drawing.

Mike is in Seattle tonight interviewing with K & L Gates. I am leaving at 6am to pick him up tomorrow from the Detroit airport.

Tonight i have the house to myself. And I am drawing Sam Rockwell. I did love Moon, after all.

Books This Week

2010-08-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

I have visited a lot of people this summer. Most of them have been in Eugene, but there are a few in Portland who I have, happily, been able to see on a more regular basis.

Amongst these were some friends who lent me The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo last week. It is definitely a crime/mystery/thriller type work which ultimately left me feeling satisfied at the end. But it didn't really come close to being my favorite book of the summer, unlike I had expected.

I have had a few people recommend this book to me, and while it was engaging and dealt with a variety of intrigues ranging from financial crimes of disproportionate scale to serial killers motivated by religious fanaticism, I just wasn't hooked. I am not sure it had much to do with the book itself, but may have simply been because this is not my favorite genre. I did like the characters however, even if they were a bit hard to believe at times. Plus there is a hacker, I liked that. This is the main reason I enjoyed the story so much, that and because it is suspenseful and full of dirty secrets.

Anyways. I have really been bitten by the reading bug lately, ravaging a number of local St. Vincent de Paul's and Goodwills on a wild book hunt over the duration of the last four days. And the results? Well, let me tell you, and show you, and link you to my future reading prospects which I acquired for less than $20 : ) Listed in the order I am thinking of them:

#1 Pattern Recognition, by William Gibson

#2 All Tomorrow's Parties, by William Gibson

#3 Virtual Light, by William Gibson

#4 Hyperion, by Dan Simmons

#5 Anathem, by Neal Stephenson

#6 Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson

#7 People of the Book, by Geraldine Brooks

#8 Years of Wonder, by Geraldine Brooks

Also, the Border Trilogy starting with All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy almost came home with me, but I figure these will keep me busy for a few months.\

I don't know what I will start with tomorrow, but I think I might need to delve into something with less murder content. Perhaps Pattern Recognition. I should probably read Neuromancer first, but that will have to wait until I get home to Michigan and dig it out of a box. This will be the first time I have ever attacked William Gibson, but as it has been a longtime favorite of my brothers, I am pretty sure I can get into it. We tend to have similar tastes in books, music, and movies. Probably because I liked whatever he liked. Oh well, such is the plight of a little sister : )

Favorite Things Friday: Daisy Chains

2010-08-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

pure and simple.

And as an added bonus, they remind of me of Tegan.

speaking of Turing Machines...

2010-08-04T01:03:00.000-07:00

Thank you James for pointing out yet another clever webcomic from xkcd.

This Summer

2010-08-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

It is strange. I was beginning to feel hopeless, like there was very little left for me to discover in this life other than motherhood, old age, and death. But at the young age of 25 I have learned yet again that there are still more surprises around the corner. Or at the very least, one more surprise which I just stumbled upon.

I guess it would be simplest to say that the summer has been filled with inspiration from authors. Namely Haruki Murakami and Neil Stephenson. Thank you gentlemen, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the work you have done and the hope it has given me for the possibilities of my life. I feel motivated to learn in a way that has never gripped me before. It is on par, if not more compelling, than the feeling I experienced during my first and second year at Gutenberg. And this is a welcome relief. I have not felt passionately interested in almost anything for what seems like years. I think I can also say the alumni discussions this summer had an effect on this feeling, but it has been continued in the absence of discussion with graduates through the conversation with fiction that is always at my fingertips.

I just finished Diamond Age at 6am this morning. Insomnia took a hold of me at 4am, and rest was not to be had. This books has filled my mind with awe and imagination. I quite admire Stephenson's ability to shift between realities (similar to Murakami) without confusing his reader. The concepts in this novel were utterly fascinating. For instance, interactive children's books that are fully capable of teaching subjects as complex as the inner workings of the books programming itself. Shared consciousness acting as an live data bank, accessible only through an unconscious state of mind (kind of a like a viral underground web). The chapters regarding the Turing machines particularly caught my interest. I will be reading more about this in the future.

I think, before we return to Oregon next summer, I will spend much of my time dedicated to reading anything and everything that catches my interest in the way Diamond Age and Norwegian Wood did. I will also investigate the immediate inclinations of my fancy with an eye and ear towards learning and enrichment with the knowledge that such investigations may not result in any major product other than self education.

Another thing which I like about these two authors is their awareness of being public figures. I appreciate Stephenson's direct articulation of his pretty much non-existent relationship to his fans. It is no way offensive. Instead, his experience of fame and his need for space to continue working as a writer makes sense to me. You can read his interesting article, Why I Am a Bad Correspondent.

via Fantastic Fiction.

via reader2.

Anyways. Good Authors and Good Books make for a Good Summer. Thanks again fellas.

Favorite Things Friday: Really Sharp Knives

2010-07-31T13:56:00.000-07:00

So I can't really think of anything I love more than walking into my kitchen, picking up a fresh tomato, and slicing into it with an ultra sharp knife. There is none of that cutting half way through only to have your knife jam a little and start ripping the tomato. And there is no tomato sag when the knife bites into the skin. A really sharp knife will cut through the skin at the beginning and at the end. And then you have a delicious slice of tomato, skin and seeds in tact, in a perfect little cartwheel shape lying on the cutting board. Mmmmmmmmmm. I bet you didn't know I loved tomatos this much.

via Creative Loafing.

I have to say. Putting "really sharp knives" as my favorite thing felt a little weird. Since knives have quite the variety of purposes, not all of which are things I like to think about in my spare time. Perhaps I should amend this to say "Really Sharp Knives Used for Cutting Into Tomatoes and Other Pesky Vegetables, Such As Onions."

Favorite Things Friday #7: Finding Something You Lost

2010-07-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

This week's favorite thing is simple. Finding something you lost.

Sometimes I lose things that are more monetarily and socially important, like wallets or cell phones, and getting those things back is a major relief. But when you recover something sentimental you have misplaced or lost, well, a different kind of joy accompanies those discoveries. I think the latter is probably my favorite.

Days Go By

2010-07-27T22:27:00.001-07:00

Image via All Things Oregon. Copyright Hamad Darwish.

(how many posts have I begun with this title)

Summer is disappearing before my very eyes and the long trip home seems just over the horizon.

But I can handle the idea of going back to Ann Arbor. I know what I am returning to, and the knowledge of a job awaiting me puts my heart at ease.

There are things I am even looking forward to. Like having my own kitchen back, and fixing up my bike. I can't wait to take out the china and have afternoon tea and cupcakes with my darling. Getting rid of old stuff and seeing all my books again. Sleeping in my own bed and waking up to a french press. Coming home at night after a long day of food service to a husband who gives me a foot massage even though he still has much studying to do. And falling asleep, only to wake up to a fresh blanket of snow followed by frolicking and hot chocolate.

Not that I am really nostalgic for Michigan. Just for our nest. And that can be made just about anywhere.

Of course, I am sad to say goodbye to Oregon, but I am ready to get on the road and begin the journey through the last three semesters of law school. For better or for worse, half of this cross country journey is over, and I am ready to dive into the second half, this time more prepared.

There are two and a half weeks left yet here in this lush green state, and I will try to enjoy them to the fullest. Visit my family, make a final book run to Smith Family Bookstore, wave farewell to the coast, share a drink with my friends, have a picnic with my dear, fly a kite for good measure, and pick a blackberry or two just as the season begins. And then we begin the three day trek into the midst of the great lakes.

And tomorrow, before partaking in all the glorious events listed just moments ago, I will get the car serviced, pay the bills, do the things I hate doing, and catch up on my Favorite Things Fridays posts. So sorry for the lack of continuity. I have been swept up in the joy of living.

FTF 5 : Microexegesis

2010-07-21T18:04:00.000-07:00

My belated Favorite Things Friday post started a week ago is finally going to surface. And the topic? Microexegesis.

A few weeks ago I went to a Kierkegaard microexegesis with fellow Gutenbergers, MSCers, and Reffers. It was such a refreshing experience I knew it had to make the list of favorite things.

For those of you unfamiliar with the microexegesis or the method of microexegesis that is used at Gutenberg, it might be described as the most painstaking and laborious way to read EVER.

Yes. That's accurate I think.

So why is it a favorite thing? Because in my experience, it is one of the most interesting ways to read difficult text with a group of people. In the Gutenberg fashion, we choose a text to read, having each person read a line or paragraph aloud. Once they have finished reading, they take a moment to clear their thoughts and proceed to analyze and explain in laymen's terms the meaning of the text for the remainder of the group. After taking a shot at deducing the meaning of the text, the rest of the group joins the discussion to debate the meaning of the text.

Some rules of etiquette I have made up regarding of microexegesis:

1. Do not read ahead.

2. Do not interrupt the reader during their initial explanation, no matter how stumped they appear.

3. Willingly let go of ideas, no matter how well developed they are, when you are proven wrong(it is often the case that such conclusions are thrown in your face with the onslaught of the next paragraph).

In short, I guess you could say microexegesis is one of my favorite ways to stimulate discussion, thought, and dialog. I think it is an excellent way to learn, and every time I leave a successful session of microexegesis, I always feel like i have read far more than the one or two pages of text we actually covered.

via Princeton University Press

Favorite Things Friday #4: Doing Stuff You Hate Doing

2010-07-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

So. This week's (um yes, its just a tad late, i know) Favorite Things Friday post is a little bit strange ~ Doing Stuff You Hate Doing.

I guess the explanation for this is fairly simple. I tried writing out a whole bunch of examples, but the concept will probably mean something a bit different for everyone. A general definition would include all tasks which you dread doing and tend to procrastinate. Most of these sorts of things in my own life tend to be kind of important and should not be put off for too long otherwise they will cause real world drama. So, you are probably getting the idea about what I mean by "things I hate doing." Things that require energy, often involve money, force you to converse with automated phone answering systems, and are generally unpleasant.

However, as aggravating as many of these tasks can be, once I choose to take them on, either completing them or at least get a start on them, the world inside my head becomes a much better place. Calmer, more organized, and ready to take on ten telephone operators with fifteen different accents all at once.

Dealing with the unpleasantness of life is just one way to try to live in a more meaningful way. We all use energy, generate garbage, require medical assistance, and create messes that need to be cleaned up. It is an inevitable part of our humanity. And while the unpleasantness of these things can be overwhelming at times, there is nothing as good as digging into a mess that needs to be dealt with. It is rewarding, relieving, and from what I can tell, the right thing to do.

Gorgias

2010-07-05T10:14:00.000-07:00

Gorgias: 430-380 BC

I am happy to say I am scheduled to attend the Gutenberg discussion planned for tonight. This week's reading is Plato's Gorgias.

This is a great dialog which really reaches into the heart of a number of issues that are pertinent today, such as the difference between belief and knowledge. I am looking forward to tonight and have been surprised at how refreshing it is to read Plato again after a long absence.

(A Belated) Favorite Things Friday #3: Large Groups of Joyous Families, Even Ones You Don't Know

2010-07-04T20:58:00.001-07:00

This week has been exceptionally busy with a new series of work projects. While this is a good thing indeed, it lends not nearly as much time to reading or writing. Thus, my post is belated. Sorry about that.

Favorite Things Friday #3: Large Groups of Joyous Families, Even Ones You Don't Know. This choice of topic seems appropriate since I just returned from probably the largest jolliest, most chaotic, and friendliest, fourth of July parties I have ever been two.

A friend of mine living in the area invited Mike and I out to her and her parent's home for their annual bash, and we accepted. I was expecting a crowd of 50 or so, but I think there was probably closer to 150 people present. The thing which struck me the most was that their were a plethora of children running around loving every moment of wild freedom, while at the same time all of the adults seemed to be actually managing to enjoy themselves despite the chaos. While alcohol was available, no one was trashed, while water balloons flew, no one was angry. I didn't see anyone yelling at their kids, and most of the adults appeared relaxed. Their were lots of interesting conversation to participate in ranging from family troubles to newborn babies, from the latest cinematic flops to discussions of the online social media economy. It was truly an event, and a very enjoyable one at that. It has been a long time since I have had such a pleasant experience on a large scale involving so many people, most of whom I had never seen before.

Thus, I give my props to large groups of happy families, even ones I do not know. May you always carry with you the joy and hospitality with which you embrace each other and strangers alike. Thanks for a great holiday.

W+K Tokyo makes my day

2010-06-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

See how they did it.

Favorite Things Friday #2: Remembering Dreams

2010-06-26T00:21:00.000-07:00

I thought a lot about what my favorite thing would be this week, and had a hard time settling. But I guess the last thing I thought of right before I wrote this struck me as truly, a favorite thing. So this week, my Favorite Things Friday topic is Remembering Dreams. Let me elaborate, although it might be somewhat unclear.

For the first thirteen or so years of my life I was something like a lucid dreamer. I am not sure exactly how aware I was of the fact that I was dreaming, but I practically planned out my dreams in advance as I fell asleep. I knew what was going to happen in my dream, it was like a nightly sort of show that went on in my head and I almost looked forward to it. I even had one or two dreams in which I knew I was awake, but it was like I had changed bodies or become someone else. Anyways, the important part is to understand that I had created a mental world which I would enter at night, and this was kind of like a second life I lived.

Strangely, this stopped some time around the age of thirteen. After I moved to the US, I stopped being able to remember my dreams at all. When I would remember a dream, which only happened about three times in a year, I would immediately become overwhelmed with a feeling of relief. It was as though I lived a completely separate life at night, in my subconscious. Like I was doing things for 8 hours that I could not remember, and to suddenly have a memory of what went on during all those lost moments came as a relief.

So while this may sound strange. I must say that one of my favorite things is remembering my dreams. Because it is so rare that I am able to remember them now, they somehow seem very dear to me when my memory is able to recollect what silently occurred during those dark hours. They are not always pleasant recollections, or sensible, but at the same time they are pieces of my life and experiences which I am usually separated from by no will of my own. I somehow feel as though I have gained insight into myself when I remember my dreams, even if I do not know what they mean, or if they mean anything at all. Simply remembering is enough to make me feel closer to knowing who I am, or not knowing who I am, but coming to the realization of such a thing. You know how that goes, "All I know is that I don't know nothin'," etc.

Photo from Father Stephen.

Favorite Things Friday #1: Places Where Time Appears to Have Stopped

2010-06-18T11:02:00.001-07:00

I have jumped on board with a blogging idea Marianne first introduced me to. The project was originally inspired by a friend of hers, Cydney, who after reading the works of a courtier from Heian period, Sei Shonagon, decided to create a series of entries written in the same spirit. Thanks to you both for passing on a great project!

So, here we go, Favorite Thing Fridays. And my first topic is: places where time appears to have stopped. Since I was quite young I remember having spent a lot of time by myself. My brother and I played a lot together when we were still children living in Canada, but even then I had special places to which I would disappear, and suddenly the world would pause for moment. It's probably similar to what Lucy felt when she was in the wardrobe, surrounded by fur coats and moth balls, breathing in the silence of the old house just moments before she stumbled into the snowy wood and her life changed forever.

I think what was, and is, so mysterious about these kinds of places is that they are haphazardly stumbled upon, often quite ordinary, and often filled with silence. Anything could happen while you are there. I have encountered a number of these places in my life from the small and nookish to the expansive and immeasurable. Each invokes its own quality of awe, giving the impression that somehow in the midst of ordinary existence, I have come right up against the eternal.

Image courtesy of Guy Sargent.

a good summer gets better

2010-06-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

I received the most wonderful thing yesterday. It looked like this:

It's hard to describe how excited I am about the opportunity to return to a place where the spirit of dialog is not only respected, but alive and well.

And off to the library I go.

movies moves movies

2010-06-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

I am finally embracing the freedom that is summer. This involves engaging that entity known as netflix. In doing so I watched three movies in a row last Thursday. I cannot recall the last time I did such a thing. I was probably during the Star Wars marathon at the McDonald Theater in Eugene sometime during high school. Anyways, Thursdays movies are as follows.

1. Serpico

2. The Insider

3. Moon

Strangely, all of these movies are about individuals facing extreme forms of isolation in one respect or another. This was somewhat coincidental since I knew next to nothing about them, but it certainly made for an interesting series of vids. I felt enriched at the end of the day, which is often not the case after watching many a movie.

Last night Mike and I watched Fellini's 8 1/2, named after the number of films he had directed up until that time. I have only seen about four or five other Fellini films, but this one seemed distinctly different in that it gave some insights into how he viewed himself as a film maker. It also portrays the expectations and pressures artists experience from the public and press, troubling relationships and the constant search for fulfillment and satisfaction, all the while progressing in the same surreal way as each of his other films. I felt the narrative of this was easier to follow than the others I have seen, and also more interesting in the sense that it gives insight into his other works.

Summer: Stage Two

2010-06-05T18:55:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we are leaving Wilsonville.

It's kind of weird, even though we have only been here for three weeks it feels like much longer.

I will miss uncle Uncle Joe and Aunt Jill. They have been beyond hospitable buying us food and beer, recording hockey games, and pretty much giving us an upstairs apartment complete with ironing board and desks. They let us do whatever we want, have fun dogs to play with, rent Miyazaki from netflix, and Uncle Joe even bought some absinthe (haha!) to share. Not to mention he grills amazing steak, ribs and whatever meat happens to be in the fridge on his wood pellet grill. We have been treated like family. And I guess we are. It's been great.

But off to Beaverton we go, which will have many charms of its own. First of all we will be staying with Tracy - an event in itself - which will make Mike the uber-happiest boy in the world, being around friends all the time and whatnot. I am sure Nd will come over to harass us often, and we will probably make a lot of pizza and burritos (at least these are always the foods Mike mentions when he talks about "making food at Tracy's"). I am sure we will barbecue, drink a lot of beer, and have some good times over the next few months.

I am also considering visiting the grandparents up in Kamloops sometime later this month. I figure since we are within a days drive I had better get up there before we head back to Michigan.

And as far as the weather goes, it was quite a relief to see the sun today. Hopefully it will show its face again tomorrow.

That's all for now.

2010-06-02T22:40:00.000-07:00

So I woke up and wanted to do some kind of a portrait.
But not a self-portrait.
Thus I turned to the internet. As I started looking through portraits seeking one suitable to my purposes, I realized I didn't really know how to find what I was looking for.
What I needed was a model, someone who I could look at from all angles and choose one to work from.
And then it struck me. Who else has a million pictures taken of them? The president of course. And fortunately our current president even has an interesting face.

Thanks to an image pulled from wired, my day ended like this.

Clearly it is not quite finished yet, but I don't even know if I will get around to it. It was a fun day full of lots of layering and experimentation, and I feel satisfied with the process.

The Useful Stride

2010-05-31T09:25:00.000-07:00

I am waking up to another overcast day full of wind and spitting rain. But I don't mind, because we are close to home. There is a table in front of me littered with remote controls, batteries, trail mix, a glass bluebird, old netflix, and most importantly, a wacom tablet that is finally getting used.

Thanks to a certain Nd for providing me with the opportunity, I finally finished my first design project. It should be going live on the web sometime in the next few days/weeks.

I will link when appropriate. It's nothing spectacular, but a solid first step in the right direction.

The process of completing this first project seems to have pushed me over some kind of hump, and I have continued producing and playing all week long with CS4. Fortunately there are a lot of great tutorials out there to aid me in my exploration, and I finally feel like I am getting up to speed with these programs. I don't have a whole lot to show, but here are just a few peaks of what has been manifesting itself on my screen at home.

I really loved this easy letter press style tutorial provided by Vectips. The image here looks kind of dull at this size, so please click on it if you wish to see it in all its grandeur, mega sized.

And here is a simple ode to being home. I couldn't quite get my shadows right, but I did manage to figure out how to get the streaming light effect. Thanks to a tut provided by Collis.

And I'm sure there will be more to come. Right now I am just experimenting with fonts and text effects. I can't seem to get enough of it.

Something New

2010-05-16T22:36:00.000-07:00

We made it back to Oregon.

After two days I said goodbye to Eugene, hello to the I-5, and found myself on the road again.

This time I didn't have to drive 2,000 miles though. So that was nice.

Instead I drove 85 miles. And now I am in Wilsonville.

Driving across more than half the United States in three days is an interesting experience. Time lumps together, minutes and hours become inseparable, and the gradual change in the landscape happens at such a rate that one morning you are in the middle of cowboy country surrounded by snow and red rocks and the next you have somehow entered the Deschutes National Forest and the attendant at the gas station legally requires you to get the eff back in your car before the cops show up to give you a citation for trying to pump your own gas.

But really, I do love Oregon. I love that I can hand someone six dollars when something costs 5.99. I love that there are government issued roadsigns letting us all know where the city recycle center is. I love that no one goes more than 10 miles over the speed limit on the I-5, and that I have to go the liquor store before 8pm to get my spirits. That's right, I cannot walk into the middle of Wal-Mart at 3:30 in the morning and get a bottle of vodka. We just don't let people live like that here in the PacNW. I also enjoy that I can see the stars again. It suddenly occurs to me that I have been living quite close to Detroit for the last 12 months when I realize I cannot remember the last time I have seen the big dipper.

Anyways, its good to be back.

2010-04-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

April already?

Everything seems to be happening so quickly again. Suddenly normal everyday living gets turned on fast forward, and there are only four weeks left until I am leaving this place.

I think the realization only starts to hit when signs of the approaching event make themselves known physically.

Like yesterday, I rented a storage unit.

And this weekend, we are visiting apartments for next fall.

And I told my boss I was leaving for the summer. I was nervous about that one, but they want me back in the fall. Coming back to a job relieves a lot of stress.

We don't exactly know where we will be living while we are back.

Probably with the parents upon immediate arrival. Within a week moving up to Wilsonville to stay with Mike's Uncle Joe for a while. And then.... a few weeks of ambiguity. Perhaps we will couch hop as a couple. Come July a room should be available for us at a friend's house. And there will be much rejoicing in being settled for a month and a half. I should even get to attend a few weddings! After missing too many last year, I am looking forward to the opportunity.

These days I seem to be swinging between mild depression and moderate happiness, like a strange pendulum of mediocrity. Nothing is bad, nothing is great, it is just the day in day out of two people working reasonably hard to get by.

But my favorite part of the day? Most definitely getting home to my Mike. And several hours of sound married happiness in the form of dinner, free internet tv, games, cuddles, and conversation before sleepy time ensues. He is some seriously good company.

---------------------------------------------------

Uploads for Others

2010-03-11T16:23:00.000-08:00

So I did a few more portraits

1.2.

It's my bud Andy from OR. And his lips are not really that big.

So, weird news for the week: my genealogical research from the past few years has proven particularly fruitful over the last month or so. I think I have finally traced two more lines, one on my maternal grandmother's side, the other on my maternal grandfather's, all the way back to the 1500's. I even managed to find a picture of the parish bordering England and Scotland where quite a number of my ancestors are buried. See?

But anyways. This week is flying by. I have been closing at work this week and getting home around after 9ish. It is not my favorite, but I do like being employed.

Mike also received a letter in the mail this week confirming his job at the DOJ (yay! It wasn't just a dream!). We will find out exactly when he starts sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Yeah, my brain is tired. Recently life has consisted of working, eating, sleeping, and drawing in the odd moment. Fortunately I have been eating well this week via a few good recipes from the gutenberggourmet, ie: bean cakes and possibly lentil loaf as of tomorrow.

I think tonight something less elegant will suffice. Like a big ol' batch of quinoa topped with sriracha, soy sauce and chicken. Mmmmmm hearty.

Well, I'm off to cook and watch the Tudors with Mikey. We are both home tonight! What joy : )

Delight

2010-03-03T17:38:00.000-08:00

Let it be known that I officially love Wacom.

There are few things in life that fill me with same amount of delight as a simple line drawing. If someone were to enable me to make simple line drawings all day, using big fat brushstrokes, that cost no money and made no mess, I might be the happiest girl in the world.

And so I have been draw draw drawing. Working on logos and and website banners for RWL, drawing grasshoppers and fish, tracing onion church domes and cartoon characters. Glorious lines. How I love to make you.

and then the rain came down

2010-02-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

Dear world, interweb, and all five of my readers,

I am finally getting back on the blogging horse as I recuperate from the frenzied last two weeks.

The new job is starting to feel normal. There have been all those "first day" types of fiascoes, but nothing as devastating as I imagined has transpired yet.

Tomorrow I open the main cafe by myself for the first time, so lets pray that all goes well and I don't burn/break/lose/forget anything of grave importance.

It is interesting how activities compound. One week I have next to nothing to do, and the next Russia With Love needs a new website design, the humane society is offering three training classes, midterms strike, and I get a job. But I think the worst of it is over, meaning the hectic level of the week should be dropping.

And, there is even more exciting news. In fact two whole pieces of it!!

First: Due to the generosity of an unnamed source, I have a acquired a sum of money which has been used to purchase a Wacom tablet.

Yes. That's right. I am a proud owner of a Wacom tablet.

And for any of you who are wondering just what a Wacom tablet is, well let me tell you.

A Wacom tablet is pure beauty.

In addition, it also serves as a digitally transferable drawing surface. Meaning I put pen to pad and make pictures, and they show up my computer. How nice is that. Thanks to Dan on Ebay who made my seven year dream of Wacom ownership come true.

I will also be acquiring Photoshop CS4 Design Standard, regularly an outrageous amount of money, now only $200 with the University of Michigan student discount. Hurrah! I am a legal owner of sweet software and sweet hardware!

Now hopefully everything will work smoothly when it arrives. I am sure I will be making an update sometime this week since undoubtedly, I will be unable to contain my excitement.

The other bit of great news is that Michael dearest has landed a summer job with the Department of Justice, Special Litigation Unit, in Portland! Yes, I mean Portland, Oregon. Which means we will be able to spend time with our friends and families for a few sweet months of the years. In addition to this bonus of social proximity, we will also be making money. How awesome. I love paid internships, especially ones that allow Mike to do things he wants to do, giving him an opportunity to work with high level Oregon issues.

Maybe it is wrong to brag on behalf of my spouse, but I am so darn proud of him! He has worked incredibly hard since he got here, and did work ahead of time to land this position. It is good to see him happy and relieved of stress. Yay! Go Mike!

So that is the good news for the week. Amazingly there isn't really any bad news at the moment. Or at least not that I can think of.

Alright, homework time. Tata for now.

Employment!

2010-02-11T13:44:00.001-08:00

I think first of all it would be apt to thank God for this break in the clouds over the great stretch of days that have constituted my nine month vacation. A self-imposed break initially, to help manage the business of getting settled, my break turned into unemployment, which led to a whole host of other degenerate symptoms plaguing all those who have ever gone for extended periods of time in social isolation without adequate work or purposeful labor. I can only imagine, with fear and trembling, what it must be like to go years in a state such as this, and in far worse conditions and with much less amiable company as my dearest Mike.
Tonight we celebrate. And I will raise a glass skyward.
The joyous employee now finds herself a member of Glass House Cafe & Catering, who, to her pleasure, are an eco-friendly, fair-trade valuing group of folks. In addition to this highly desirable quality, they are also kind to their employees, or such was the impression I gained through my interview experience. I left thinking, "even if this job isn't much different than anything else I have done, they sure are nice people and I think I'd like to work for them."
It's amazing what being employed can do for one's moral. Simply incredible.

In addition to seemingly nice employers, I will also be working in a relatively new building full of all kinds of neat architecture and giant glass windows. There is no such thing as too much natural light. Especially not in winter.
To anyone who has ever been in Full City's High Street Cafe, this might look freakishly similar.

Yes, I think I literally packed up shop, moved half way across the country, put on a new pair of lenses, and started working at the exact same place I used to. Fine by me. I know the ropes. If anything it will be a little boring. But probably not. I have a thousand new faces to memorize, a menu to get familiar with, and a full service restaurant about ten feet away which I will be serving as well. Not to mention the catering part. I think most of all I am just excited to be gaining the opportunity for social interaction with multiple human beings most days of the week. Hurrah hurrah.
This is the building where I will happily spend many hours making money to buy food and pay rent with.

Lots of windows. I can dig it.
Anyways, I am sure I will have some updating to do next week after I actually start work. Who knows what kind of insane barista adventures await!

Photos courtesy of grdadof3's and The Regents of the University of Michigan.

A Late Night

2010-02-06T07:56:00.001-08:00

It is quite the gorgeous morning here - snowy, sunny, and frightfully windy in addition to the fact that someone appears to have driven through the lawn. Turkey bacon is sizzling on the stove, eggs are frying, and coffee is being drunk. As for Mike? He is still sleeping. The joys of law school can be quite taxing at times.

Apart from the first month we lived here, the pace of life has been relatively slow what with unemployment, no school, and very few friends. However, this seems to be changing. I am starting to remember what it feels like to be "tired" at the end of the day. And you know what it feels like? It feels good. It feels like I did something.

I can also remember what it felt like not so long ago to always be tired. Not my favorite. But being tired at the end of the day? This I like.

This change is due to a variety of activities, all of which I have been very intentionally involving myself. Not many events seem to come up naturally these days, everything must be sought out and often takes a greater than average act of will to participate in. Things don't just happen.

But that's ok. I admit to hoping it does not last forever, but for a time? That I can handle. It means I am more intentional about what I do. I have to make well thought out decisions about how to use my time and resources. What do I want to learn? What class will I choose to take this term, the fact being that I can only take one? What kind of books shall I read in this period of infinite free time? How shall I choose to spend my days?

Ah yes, there is indeed learning in all aspects of life.

But as I was saying, this week has been busy. To my own surprise, I am very much enjoying my Microsoft Office classes at the community college. The efficient design and elegant simplicity of these programs fills my heart with joy. I seem to go home and make a new spreadsheet every day with the utmost fervor, helplessly delighting in the newfound use of a logical function. Sigh.

In other areas, last night proved especially exciting for me. I have this friend who also happens to be a copywriter. A pretty good copywriter at that. Young and creative with a lot potential to say the very least. Anyways, like I said, we are friends and he has consistently prodded me for the last year and half to aid him in his efforts of designing ads for contests and whatnot. Now, this prospect has always been exciting to me, to be apart of a collaborative design project where we can also win $$. However, I have also been terrified to participate. I do not doubt that with the right training I could be a contributing member of a design team, but I do not have that training, and I also have about zero experience doing digital design.

Alas, having finally been able to articulate my distress to said friend, we decided to try a project together where I would draw manually, pen to paper, and scan the results. The final product? Well, it could certainly look more finished as far as the "art" part goes, the hand could look less monstrous, not to mention that fact that I couldn't dig up a black pen to ink with. But I am pleased. The overall effect is good...I think.

So yes, I officially helped with a design project. Good job Kristen. Also, we did one other thing a while back which was kind of fun and got good reviews. You can check it out here . Just scroll down to the Short List and we are number 4. Title: Brainstorming. My job? Brainpower. Heck yes. Although like I said, he is the copywriter. I just was like, "I can't do digital design worth a dime, so...." Hence the rough look. Lucky for us it went over well.

In the aftermath of drawing hands and olive leaves for two hours, I spewed that thing at the top of this post: The White Lake.

And now I am going to go drink more coffee and be inspired by the sun that is pouring in my window.

Bedtime

2010-02-04T20:02:00.000-08:00

The clock hands are pointing skyward and moving east, which means I should probably go find my bed sometime soon.

But before then I need to talk about a few things.

First off, giant rabbits. Some of you have probably encountered these things before. They are actually called "giants" - for real. "Flemish Giants" or "Continental Giants." Seriously, 15-30 lb rabbits actually exist. It is a bit of a shock to my system. I might have to adopt one when I am not moving back and force across the country every other year.

Next, I have not drawn much in the last few days and my fingers are starting to get itchy. I will have to designate time tomorrow for such business. I am committing publicly. Which means I will probably have to post pictures, or at least evidence of time spent in a notebook such as pencil shavings or lead covered hands.

Third: I have applied to 3 jobs in the last 36 hours. It feels good. I probably won't get hired, but at least I tried.

And last but not least before I fall asleep typing this post. I got a Costco membership which is probably the most exciting and adult moment of my life next to having gotten married. I can buy things in bulk shamelessly. There is joy in my heart.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Mom's Chicken Soup

2010-02-01T14:12:00.001-08:00

Usually I try and do unfun stuff before I do fun stuff. This is my way. However, at this very moment I am going to write a blog post (fun) instead of rip the skin of a whole chicken (unfun). The reason for this is simple. The chicken can wait. My unpredictable writing habits cannot.

I used to have a hard time keeping up with blogging, but these days it is pure enjoyment. I can only imagine this is partially due to the fact that I am not dealing with any large amounts of stress. No academic pressures, no work pressures, no family pressures, and no atmospheric pressures (apart from the ones I am accustomed to).

A week or two ago a dear friend challenged me to an non-competitive art making competition. The rules are like this:

1. Make stuff.

2. Make stuff even if you don't want to.

3. If you are not making stuff yet, you lose.

Basically, we both need some form of external motivation. Thus we are prodding each other towards creative output by inventing project prompts we can work on simultaneously.

It is working. I have actually made stuff.

See?

(fake clouds)

Two other orders of business.

First, I am officially joining the humane society's TNR (Trap, Neuter, and Return) Team. This means I will be monitoring colonies of feral cats, rounding them up, delivering them to the vet where they will undergo various and sundry medical procedures, and finally return them to their own territory.

The purpose of this program is to slowly but surely reduce the ever increasing feral cat population in the area surrounding A2.

I joined because I want to go cat hunting.

And second, I just need to publicly announce that the Canucks (yes, that is a hockey team) are officially ranked first in their division.

It makes me happy.

Well, I guess that's all.

I will officially stop writing in tiny sentences.

Ciao.

Coffee & A Year

2010-01-31T08:38:00.001-08:00

It was a special Saturday.

The occasion was marked with a jaunt to our favorite local cafe and the enjoyment of two cups of carefully prepared coffee. We commemorated the fact that a year ago today we said our vows

Across from said cafe is another favorite store of mine. An antique shop otherwise known as "The Arcadian." I did not think there were any gifts in store apart from dinner plans and an afternoon stroll. But of course, my sweety had surprises up his sleeve. And upon returning home I had in my possession a beautiful sterling bracelet.

What a thoughtful fellow. A lucky lady I am.

Animals & A New Notebook

2010-01-28T15:00:00.000-08:00

This week has been kind of busy. I have been going to my favorite local coffee shop every day and trying to draw. It was frustrating at first, but by Thursday I found myself wishing I had more money for the parking meter. I guess it can take a while for the creative juices to start flowing again.

Mostly I have just been doodling and taking notes down of sudden inspirations or thoughts regarding future projects or the creative process. I forgot how nice it is to have an "everything" type notebook full of writing and sketches and pictures.

These are my two favorites from this week:

An empty cup that was previously filled with some amazing espresso.

The beginnings of a new concept. It needs some time to incubate.

As you can see, nothing too crazy. But my hands are back at work.

In other news, I finally had my volunteer orientation at the Humane Society of Huron Valley. I have been waiting all month for this, and it was everything I had hoped for.

Not everyone (or maybe anyone apart from my parents and my husband) knows that when I was a kid I wanted to be a veterinarian. I kept all kinds of fresh water fish, hamsters, turtles, gerbils, guinea pigs, a few cats, and eventually a dog. I even had a worm farm. Worms were my favorite. I have no idea why. They were squiggly and squishy -- what other reason does anyone need to love a worm? Sadly though, as I got older, life got more difficult. I guess it took a toll on me and I stopped loving or caring for animals without even really realizing it.

Then something happened a couple of years ago. I started dating Mike and somehow, he woke up that part of me that had grown numb after a string of hard years. I started noticing all the creatures of the world again. Slowly but surely, it was a strange and wonderful transformation.

I start my first volunteer work next week. The Humane Society uses a graduated system, and in five weeks I will start working with animals. Until then, I want nothing more than to shovel poop and vacuum cat hair out of ceiling vents. It makes me giddy just thinking about it.

But this is not the only reason I am excited. The society has been in the process of planning and building a new facility over the past four years. They just made the move last fall and have finally gotten settled in their new 8.5 million dollar facility. I had no idea this was the case when I signed up to become a volunteer. But I quickly found out when I visited for the first time. It is by far the cleanest, best lit, practically organized, and visitation friendly animal shelter I have ever been to. They even have a veterinary clinic and an animal control unit (which usually operates separately) in addition to adoption counseling services, food provisions for pet owners in need, and a feral spay/neuter program. They are very well organized. They even know how to use the internet so I can schedule all my hours online. I like tech savvy non-profits.

So yeah. I get to start walking dogs, practicing obedience training, caring for animals post-op, feeding kittens with bottles, and maybe even becoming an foster parent eventually. Very very very exciting. It is so good to work with animals again.

But anyways. Here I am again, an animal lover. When I was little I kept turtle

Vanishing Point

2010-01-26T13:50:00.000-08:00

Vanishing Point from Bonsajo on Vimeo.

I Like.

tumblr

2010-01-24T18:12:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I know people are getting hooked on tumblr, but I am just not sure I am ready to convert. It's kind of like moving from analog to digital....

Maybe I am just not tech savvy enough, but I find tumblr a wee bit overwhelming. It's like delicious, facebook, twitter, wordpress, digg, youtube, and flickr all lumped together. The end result? The information superhighway increases its speed by exponential leaps and bounds.

While I also enjoy the variable aspects of the formatting, this also lends to people making chaotic layouts that have no narrative and are exhausting to look at. Kind of like this one.

It is still probably the coolest platform yet. But I just don' think I want to make the move to a new blog, not at the moment anyways.

Redrawing

2010-01-20T17:27:00.000-08:00

I have been encouraged by Erin Julian's idea to try and take at least one picture everyday. However, I think I will modify this and try to do at least one sketch every day. It does not have to be a full fledged "drawing," but it should probably take more than five minutes.

While I was in Eugene, I decided to spend my Christmas money on two much needed sketch pads. I started drawing immediately in while I was back, but have only done so twice since I returned to Ann Arbor. I would like this to change by putting aside a few intentional moments every day for me and my sketch book.

Let's see what happens.

Dusk

2010-01-17T15:45:00.000-08:00

I made time for the much needed walk this evening. My camera kept me company.

It ended with a much needed conversation with Nancy. What a wonderful lady she is.

Saturday Already

2010-01-16T12:32:00.001-08:00

This was how Friday ended, 6-0 Michigan. Definitely one of the better birthday presents ever. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa.

I have not been to a hockey game since I was a kid. But I am starting to take an interest again. I think it has something to do with living next to Detroit and actually living in a place where people publicly acknowledge hockey as a sport.

When I was little I was a pretty big fan of my brother, which meant that I also loved hockey just like him. We were Canucks fans since we lived just south of Vancouver. But I also happened to take a liking to the San Jose Sharks because they had turquoise uniforms and an animal mascot. They were also the worst team in the NHL.

I can remember trips with my mom to "Winners" (the Canadian equivalent of T.J. Maxx) and digging up quarters so I could buy hockey cards out of those little vending machines that dispense bouncy balls and cheap jewelry among other things. Even if neither I nor my brother ever won the hologram card we were looking for, it was still an exciting and rare experience. Kind of like how Charlie must have felt looking for the golden ticket.

The game was great. We are going again next week having fully familiarized ourselves with Michigan hockey chants -- I can't wait.

In other news, the weather has warmed up.I also went to a stage fighting workshop this morning after meeting with the frenetic yet ever hopeful members of the Russia with Love steering committee.

We have a friend named Chris here in Ann Arbor. She is a summer starter, same as Mike. Strangely, she is also from Eugene. She was into fencing for a few years but now prefers to unwind by learning how to high-fall, disarm muggers, and theatrically beat the **** out of people using any and every type of hand held weapon ever invented. And yes, that includes blunderbusses as well as light sabers.

The fighting troop held an open house today, which Mike and I attended out of friendship. We left with a lesson in rapier footwork and parries.

As for the rest of the afternoon? Perhaps I will make time for a stroll to the frozen pond. Otherwise I will most likely find myself doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom, making chicken soup, filing papers, finishing the romance novel my mom gave me over break (which I am actually enjoying), and watching anime with Mike.

Time to get started.

Note To Self

2010-01-14T06:07:00.000-08:00

Remember: Stepping outside in 23 degree weather is a fine idea as long as you are properly clothed. But don't for a second romanticize the notion that you could possible get away with snapping a few pictures of the sunrise in your socks and t-shirt. You will be sorely mistaken.

Fortunately, as I step back inside I am reminded of one thing: my apartment is a giant oven. Heat instantly washes over me the minute I enter, and it does not stop. It is the relentless warmth of an early June day. It soaks into my bones, seducing me to nap the afternoon away.

Radiators radiating 24 hours a day makes a big difference in January. In fact, one might even say our apartment is -*gasp*- too hot. I know, curses upon me, but it's true. I am not complaining, just musing about the hilarity of our situation. I have to open the windows and sleep with a fan on at night. And the poor students who don't live in graduate housing...how they must be freezing.

We moved here under the impression we would very nearly freeze to death in winter. That all of our days would be miserably bleak and filled with gloom and grey slush. We were misinformed. Winter is beautiful and the snow is hardly overwhelming. As far as the cold goes, what cold? We live in a dutch oven.

I suppose things might be different if we lived on the Upper Peninsula.

Unfortunately for our tiny apartment, we came prepared for the worst. Hauling and packing everything one could possibly need to survive the bitter cold of southeaster Michigan. To look in our closet is to discover and inordinate amount of winter necessities ranging from wool socks and longjohns to comforters, space heaters, and electric blankets (like all the non university-housing students have, we were those once too).

It is great. I can sit around in my unmentionables eating ice cream and watching hockey while it is 23 degrees outside.

Despite having the flaws of most crappy apartments, I cannot complain about this one's winter comfortability. I have been cold every winter for the last six years. But not anymore.

2010

2010-01-13T14:12:00.000-08:00

School begins again for me. But this time there are no liberal arts, no primary texts, and certainly no discussions. Excel and Powerpoint are my new bedmates for the next 16 weeks. And they are not bad company. I actually enjoy systematically learning the ins and outs of these programs. Besides, they are also teaching me some important skills necessary for any kind of administrative work.

Russia with Love meets this Saturday. And as usual, I am sure we will discuss the budget, debate why First Presbyterian won't donate any of their missions funds, and how out of touch people are with the history and need of the Russian people. It is a good cause, but I believe their is a disconnect between the groups project and the times we live in. It is going to be an uphill battle to find continued support for this well intentioned project.

My orientation with the humane society is in two weeks. I am excited to work with animals again, and looking forward to beginning my training as a volunteer.

Today is my birthday. It has been most pleasant. Flowers, dinner, and desert on the town. I couldn't ask for more. We are even going to a hockey game this weekend.

It is good to be home from a long visit in Eugene. Christmas was wonderful and the presence of family and friends was as refreshing as I had hoped it would be. But it is good to back. Back in my own house, with my husband, living our life here in Michigan together.

Why to Love NPR's All Songs Considered

2009-12-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

EI am excited to say that the NPR's All Songs Considered list has finally arrived, and the results look, errr, sound good. It probably doesn't need to be said, but there are more than a few reasons why I like this list. A lot of "best of" lists appear every year from a variety of sources, but this one strikes me as more accessible, which is probably the first and main reason why I like it.

My second, and probably the most obvious reason to favor NPR's selection, belongs to the fact that it is user generated, not simply compiled by reviewers. Now, this is not to say that there is not immense value to be found in the opinion's of reviewers and critics who are also important to the project of discovering and appreciating new artists. But apart from this, sometimes we just want to listen to a bit of music and decided whether or not we like it after we have listened. We may not mind if it sounds somewhat like music that has been heard before, or if it is not the grand musical evolution we expected from so and so. No, sometimes we just want to listen to music which other moderately informed listeners, listeners like ourselves, have enjoyed and found to be favorable for some reason, whether or not we have the vocabulary to identify it.

The other major feature of NPR's list I appreciate is that it is favorite "song" list, not an "album" list. While it is true that album lists as long as these can also be fun, informational, and great places to discover new artists, they require a significant more time dedicated to pure listening. I know that it is possible for me to sit and listen to music, basking in it, without really hearing everything that is going on. It takes much more energy and dedication to listen carefully and interestedly. I find this to be especially true as time moves along. Artists are becoming more and more creative with the way they make sound. If you are not listening, you might miss some great art. And with my short attention span, one song at a time is a perfect sized spoonful.

Thus, if you are interested in keeping up with a refreshing, medium sized flow of modern music that falls somewhere between the roaring waterfall of pop dominating the radio waves and the ocean of indy that ranges anywhere and everywhere from pretentious and unoriginal to brilliant and shocking, you might find a thing or two you like from this list.

But getting back to the particulars, I will begin with my newfound appreciation of older artist heard anew. Notable was Sufjan Steven's "You are the Blood." The flavor is something akin to track 16 from Illinois, "They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back from the Dead!! Ahhhh!," a dark and irresistably eery stream of sounds and illusions. Sufjan has retained the chaotic yet somehow workable orchestral symphony defining so much of his music. Not surprisingly, a sweeping piano is ever present, but this time accompanied by digital glitchtronic as well the more traditional trumpets. Also noticeable are a provoking wave of transitions and vocals that are somehow deeper yet as soulful as ever. The recording of this song available on NPR was from a live performance in New York.

As far as new favorites, so far (as I am only halfway through the list) I would have to say #24, "Home" by Edward Sharpe is delightfully listenable, and #17, a short but energized track by Passion Pit entitled "Sleepyhead,"a wake up song nothing short of a shot of adrenaline. And these small tastes leave me hungrily wondering what is yet to come. I can hardly wait to get my head around the new M. Ward and Wilco while discovering Phoenix and St. Vincent. It should be a good day full of excellent sounds. I hope you find time to enjoy some of it too.

Who We Are

2009-12-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

I have started and stopped reading Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Traveled” on numerous occasions. But this time around I think I have finally reached a place where I can hear what he has to say, where I want to hear it. He has me – hook, line, and sinker.

I am only a third of the way through, but am already struck by the resonance of Peck’s descriptions of spiritual development. The first few chapters outlining the disciplines required to continue growing, spiritually and mentally, have been particularly insightful. This book leaves me asking myself a lot of questions, which is probably why it is taking me a while to read. And as much of a page turner as it is, I am in no rush to finish.

The last year, full of its many changes, has also changed me. One of the greatest challenges my marriage has presented thus far is the difficulty of giving things up. I do not only mean making sacrifices like moving to Michigan, but even giving up parts of myself. Peck describes what it is like to give up personality traits and the pain that accompanies this process.

I began to learn what this was like, even before I read about it (I don’t think I could have conceived what he was talking about before I actually experienced it), and it has proven to be one of the more difficult processes of my life. I am learning that characteristics and traits by which I have come to identify myself, traits I felt defined my quirky image, are no longer things which can or should define the person I am becoming. It is difficult to let a part of ourself go. Literally, it is like cutting a part of yourself away. It is for a beneficial purpose of course, but painful nonetheless.

I have always appreciated and felt proud of my bubbly personality, which includes a quickness of speech (sometimes witty, more often offensive) that many people seem to find interesting (and a few who did not). This has always been a defining part of my personality. It has helped me make friends and break the ice in awkward social situations. It has made mean people like me. It has made teachers laugh. It has also pissed off my mom and probably a few other people. All things considered, for better or for worse, I have always appreciated this part of myself. The problem is that these days I find myself wishing more and more often that I would think before I speak instead of spitting out the first mildly humorous comment that comes to mind. We are beginning to enter the professional world, Mike and I, where such behavior and conversational tactics do not work quite as well. Quite the opposite actually. And so learning to hold my tongue is a necessity.

While this change may be challenging and at times sad, it is in no way a terrible experience. In fact, quite the contrary. Having a tangible motivation to change and seriously undertake a personal transformation for the purpose of improving our marriage and aiding in my husband’s career is something of a joy. I want to be a wiser partner in this marriage and a thoughtful parent when the day comes. I want to represent myself well to both my husband's colleagues and to set an example for our children. And I very much want my husband to be proud to introduce me to his superiors without worrying about what kind of humor I might try to slip into the conversation for the sake of a laugh.

Slowing myself down in general does not seem to be a bad change. Slowing down decisions I make, slowing down to consider the issues at hand when I feel intensely upset. Slowing down to plan the day ahead and know what will be on the table for dinner. The erratic and unplanned nature of my teens is falling away. And while giving up the thrill of having every moment unplanned, there is something about taking on the responsibility of leading an organized life that is very satisfying. It helps me and my husband enjoy our time together. It ensures a meal will be ready. It means the car has enough gas to get to the university and that the bills will be paid on time. It means I am growing up and growing into this strange thing it means to become a woman. Now doesn’t that just sound like a book about puberty?

Anyways, about refining my speech….

New Music: A VERY Long Post

2009-11-19T13:41:00.001-08:00

It is no lie that the responsibility and time commitment of college eclipsed one of my older and more passionate hobbies: music.

For those of you who have known me since my mid-teens, you can probably recall how I gradually became obsessed with music. Not just any kind of music, new music. The kind that nobody knew anything about. The kind that sounded different than anything anyone had heard before. The kind that drew on old artist and methods, reforming and restructuring these old traditions into new sounds. The thrill of the hunt for new artists never ceased to entertain me.

I bought my first CD when I was 11. Space Jam. That's right, nothing like a little Salt n' Pepa could be more suitable for young ears right? But I was allowed to buy it because my parents probably didn't even know what was on it. Seriously, it had to be OK, it was a movie about Michael Jordan and cartoon characters.

My parents were, well, conservative. They may or may not have burned all their records for the sake of Christ. My mother came to regret this later, as she concluded that having some Bryan Adams or Queen albums lying around probably isn't going to turn you into the kind of person who hates goodness. Anyways, all that is simply to say that my brother and my musical exposure was limited. Severely. However, despite this my parents were both musicians, and their love of rhythm and sound was something they certainly passed on, even if it was in the format of Vineyard Worship Albums.

I remember when I was 14 or 15, my brother came home one day from a friend's house carrying our computer. He had brought a surprise home with him, a bunch of new mp3s (or were those .wave....). Now, I am not going to make any claims that this music was GOOD. I distinctly remember it involving a lot of rave/techno/trance with the occasional smattering of college a capella and U2 (OK, I still like u2 and Sandstorm by Darude, I don't care what anyone says). Suddenly I had far more artists to listen to than my meager CD collection allowed. I spent a lot of time playing solitaire and listening to music.

Eventually I discovered this great place in Eugene called the CD/Game Exchange. It is a wonderful haven where music goes when it is no longer loved by it's owner. And new owner's like me can adopt these poor abandoned things for a small fee. Of course, there is also new music there too, but these kinds of purchases were saved for times when birthday and Christmas money arrived.

I think I spent all my money on music, new and old. Either that or books. I liked music more than books, but I had to buy books for college. Cest la vie. Life is tough when you have so much art you don't have enough time to take it all in. My brother was still a source through whom I discovered new artists. Or rather, he had two friends, one who was a distributor for groups like Buck 65 and Kid Koala, and another who worked at a local radio station and the CD/Game Exchange. These people never failed to hook me up with what was new before it had not yet become popular en masse.

I remember one day I went to the Exchange and my brother's friend was working. I asked him what was hot at the moment. He looked at me with a definitive expression and said, "if you listen to one album this year listen to this one," and handed me the Postal Service. I couldn't believe my ears. Yet it was six months before I ever heard anyone even mention them again. And then they were everywhere.

Another major influence was a friend of mine named Pat. He went to church with a few of my friends whom he had a band with. He was a lot older than me, loved the Beatles, was obsessed with Star Wars, and had a huge collection of music. He introduced me to the Flaming Lips. I loved the Soft Bulletin. I loved Zaireeka. I had to hear it on all four sound systems at once. Pat also got me started on buying used music. He said, go buy an album every week, it will cost you less than $10 and you will expand your musical knowledge in no time. So I did. The first album I bought was Beck's Mutations, which eventually became one of my least favorite albums in some ways after I listened to the rest of his work. Before I bought this, I had tried to find him at the library, but ended up with Jeff Beck. Definitely not what I wanted.

The further back I go into this history, the more I remember. I wanted to listen to Beck because one of my teacher's in high school had an album of his we listened to in class. How can you not love "Loser" when you are 15? That same teacher then introduced me to Bjork and the Sugarcubes.

But as I was saying, this hobby was was gradually eclipsed, both by college and work, plus a few other factors. It was a sad and slow end to one of my favorite past times, gradually petering out after I felt like I was too far behind in the game to even play.

However, I think it is time for that to change.

I am not very music savvy these days. However, I have rekindled an interested in what is going on out there. We just got Napster again, and I am enjoying the freedom to surf without buying, legally. Who knows what I will discover?

As of two months ago, I started listening to Florence and the Machine.
As of two weeks ago I started listening to Panda Bear.
And today I am listening to LAKE.

It's good to be back in the saddle.

back again....for how long no one knows

2009-11-18T17:11:00.000-08:00

Has it really been a year? Apparently it has.

I highly doubt anyone still reads this blog (ahem, Sarah Wierenga) but if you do, it's your lucky day. I might actually start posting again on a semi-regular basis. And guess what's even better? I actually have a few things to write about. As before, they involve art. Unlike before, there is more than one type of art being done.

It is true that there is painting involved (as I had hoped there would be). There has not been as MUCH painting as I would have hoped, but there is certainly more of it happening than I have probably ever done before. And, as I had also hoped, it is oil painting. Did everyone hear that? Oil painting. My dream of finally learning color theory outside of a book and using a variety of mediums along with a fair dose of turpenoid is finally coming true.

Other exciting things that have happened:

- had two pieces of art in a regional art show
- started working on a LARGE quilt, of which I am only part way done
- got married.
- moved across the country to Michigan.
- drove through Canada visiting %85 of my extended family
- registered for basic administrative classes so I can get a job that pays more than $8 an hour
- got napster, started listening to music again
- joined/founded a guild that does not consume my life, but where I can still do Uld and TOTC once a week.

In general, the past year has probably contained more change than the entire previous 23 years of my life (minus the part where I was conceived). Mike is doing well in school, Christmas presents are going to be made on time, and I might have a quilt to use sometime next fall.

Right now I am going to go tweak blogger and try to make this site not look so terrible. Did I mention I have also been refreshing my html? Well, don't get your hopes up. Let's just look at it as a journey, a journey of web design where I try not to make everything accidentally disappear.

A Book I Haven't Loved

2008-09-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

I haven't loved a book this much since Rilke. Who would have thoughtthat an airport bookstore would have what I have been looking for all along, without ever knowing it. Haruki Murakami's "What I talk about when I talk about running: A Memoir" - it has carried me away. Essays about what it is to live, and work, and - wouldn't you guess it - running. I find it both deeply inspiring and profound.

I have been working hard since returning home. To my own suprise, something I feel good about has materialized today, although I think the photographs do greater justice to the work than it deserves. I hope you enjoy these images. The first is called "The Professor." The other is a picture I completed yesterday morning, which I have called "The Landing Field."

&

A Different Hat

2008-09-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

Home at last. Here I am.

My room is a mess. But not a big mess. There are papers on the floor and paint on my easel. Music is being transfered, cloths are folding and finding drawers, cameras are flashing and graphite is burning like rubber on asphalt. Thank God for September in Oregon. The sun is out but I am not hot. Indian summer.

It's kind of funny. Over the last week I have most certainly undergone a paradigm shift of sorts; a "changing-of-hats," one might say. I am no longer a barista who draws when she has time. But an artist who supports her career with part time work in a coffee shop. ha HA! Take that career info boxes on applications! Now. However, what this really means is that I don't get to be lazy or procrastinate anymore, which is definitely going to be a hard habit to break. But I refuse to spend my life wasting my dream. And even if it means engaging in a lot of hard work I was not expecting to engage in, I would rather be an artist than not. The end. Fin.

So I will post what I have made at the end of the week, and we will see how things have gone so far. I would say "wish me luck," but I do not think this is a matter of luck. Only a matter of determination.

And here is proof that I have not been so completely lazy!

The first is a sketch from Germany. The second from Virginia.

Almost Home

2008-09-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

My time away from Oregon has almost come to an end. I am ready to go home.

The last month and a half, which I have spent in Germany, Greece, and Virginia, have been a wonderful time for introspection. My nerves have calmed after a summer of uneasiness about the future, and I feel prepared to go back to my life and start up again without worrying about having a nervous breakdown

The months following graduation are strange. My life has gone from "so full I hardly have time to think", to "so full of free time I hardly know how to organize it". However, I have to say I am not unhappy with this change. And spending a month overseas was certainly one way for me to begin thinking about how I would spend the upcoming months when I am home.

I found the perfect book while I was away. As I read it, I can see it is already changing the way I think about things. Caroll Michels, How To Survive & Prosper as an Artist: Selling Yourself without Selling Your Soul, is the first book I have found that addresses most of my major concerns and fears as someone who wishes to become an artist. From how to build an artist resume if you are a self taught artists without any gallery experience, to a 150 page appendix of artist resources, this is a book that can help any artist get their feet on the ground. It is wickedly practical, and incredibly encouraging. If you are an young artist, read it!

And so I will return home to a gluten free lifestye, and with more solid ideas about an artistic career than I have ever had in my life. I can't help but smile. My little scooter awaits me, as well as my job at the cafe. IT is good to finally have a new goal.

After Work

2008-08-06T16:24:00.000-07:00

I realize that not having a camera severely limited my blogging capabilities, since half the time all I ever want to write about are pictures or things I can I take pictures of. However, now that I have a camera (and a cute one at that), I am once again taking pictures again. Don't get too excited, I haven't produced anything marvelous recently. But I felt like cataloging a few snippets of the summer, and the frustration I have constantly faced with art.

The last few days M. and I have done a lot of talking about my future, or what I once might have described as the bleak horizon of my life. But no longer! That's right, hope strikes again. As we reformulate my idea of an 'artist'- and what they are limited too, - M. has helped me discover that my creativity can have one of any thousand faces, and still be valuable. This is revolutionary, although most likely common sense to the majority. Unfortunately, it has taken me longer to learn.

So on this note, I am exploring new avenues, and probably will be for some time. Thanks to my dearest M., I am no longer stuck in a box.

Longing: The First of Three! (though it is actually the second)

2008-08-01T19:25:00.000-07:00

After a long tearful conversation with my dearest M. about the desperation and stopped steamengineness of my art making, I decided it would be good if M. gave me three assignments to work on.

Here is what M. gave me.

1) A deer standing on a road. Classic.
2) Longing.
3) Spartans combing each others hair.

Eeeeexcellent.

And I guess I am cheating a bit here, but I want to post a picture, with my brand spankin' super cute new camera (which M. gave me, of course, giggle giggle) of what i have so far for assignment #2, Longing.

I am not quite done with it yet, but I wanted to give a sneak preview because I am so gosh darn excited about this one. Seriously. I haven't been this excited about a picture in years. It even got compliments from my housemates (yeah!!!).

Drumroll please.......!!!

Ta da!

Moses

2008-08-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, this is not a good photograph, albeit the painting never really reached the final stages it probably should have. However, it is still sitting next to the drawing board, meaning there is a 56% chance I will pick it back up again and finish it.

But anyways, about the painting. I got the idea from Michelangelo's Moses sculpture, you know, the one by the Medicci tombs? (at least I think thats where it is, or was, once...maybe not, I should do my research). While I did not find Moses' strangely shaped head the most ideal thing in the world, I couldn't resist his beard. And hence came this picture. Where and why exactly the pinkredyellowbrown color scheme emerged, I cannot say. I originally painted the background brown, but changed the hue and number of times before finally throwing my hands up and shouting, "to hell with it all," before i wildly slathered pink and red all behind his head. It doesn't have quite the same somber feeling as the brown. Now it is more like electric neon moses. But I suppose such things can only be expected with the advancement of technology. At least it isn't black light velvet moses.

For anyone who is interested in what kind of cheap art supplies I create my masterpieces with, the answer is Basics Value Series Acrylics. Red, Blue, Yellow, Black, and White. That's right, I mixed my own paints. So when you look at the picture below, just think to yourself, "my, isn't that a lovely pink." Also, what brushes did I use? The Hirons special.

Anyways, enough talk, more picture.

I think I am....

2008-07-29T10:36:00.000-07:00

So, please indulge me for another moment of deep and pitiless self reflection. And this is not the product of one of those "I think its time you went and took a swim in lake You" sessions. No, this is the flatly pronounced realization that I have no fucking idea what I am going to do as an artist.

But the very second I say or write those words, it dawns on me that very few people do have it all planned out. Such development of ideas is process oriented evolution, blah blah blah. Alright, I can agree with that, but where is the fuckin mustard seed of truth to get me started?? I mean, did it vaccuum it up last time i cleaned my room, or forget to water it? Or was it just never there to begin with...I wonder.

If there is any hope to be had in all of this, it can be said that I still have my 'lines.' Those wonderful squiggly things that fly from my fingertips like lightning in June. And they are full of life, no doubt. I do not even doubt this.

I guess the question is, what can one do with a squiggly line. And I can think of a million things off the top of my head. I just don't get up off my ass to make any of them... I am not failing in the creativity department these days... but in the motivation and enthusiasm department. I feel like a fuckin steam engine that got half way through the Rockies and decided to call it quits. A few hundred tons of dead steel sitting in the mountains watching some billy goat sharpen his horns against the cattle guard. and I sigh my last breath of steam, and watch the sun set on the miles of track in front of me.

So would somebody please come along with a heaping bag of coal and a pair of bellows, and then maybe the wheels will start turning again. But I guess I have to do that myself.... so what is the magic key?? where is the big red button of motivation? I have a feeling its right around here somewhere and I just need to find it....

Anyways, wish me luck. and Ill let you know when I do.

summer

2008-07-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

The sound of a clock echoes through the house, and I can hear Bo breathing next as he lies on the floor next to me.

Oh these beautiful, peaceful days - an island surrounded by silence and rest.

The only thing missing is my dearest M. But he is here, in my heart. Yesterday was filled with many tears, but he has once again pulled me out of the the great abyss.

I am currently working on a portfolio site. It is coming along... I will let you all know when I have it up to speed.

-K.

A Moment of Remembering Resonant Images

2008-06-07T09:43:00.001-07:00

Anselm Kiefer

.

Andrew Wyeth

Egon Schiele

Samuel Palmer, Self Portrait

2008-06-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

The sky is overcast, Bo is asleep on the couch next to Nancy. She is holding her ritual cup of coffee high in one hand and searches the sports news on her macbook with the other. "Rainer Ramirez hit his five hundredth home run yesterday," she announces with a smile. Bo has rolled over and is practically falling off the couch in his sleepy state of animal being. The gecko silently observes, perching wide eyed in his kitchen sanctuary. This is house is very comfortable. My robe is as warm as my morning coffee, and the continual Redsox news never ceases to grab my curiosity.

School is ending in two weeks. This is still only information to me. I am sure that when two weeks come I will feel otherwise. I have been rereading my thesis. It is not as bad as I thought. Pigi goes in for his first checkup on Monday, and I am about to head to the second to last soccer game of the season. Tonight I will work and read and bask in strange finality of these last two weeks. There are not many times like these.

The new and interesting artist of the day is Aaron Smith.

ENDGAME

2008-05-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

So, since I am basically posting this movie on every site/profile I have (out of pure excitement) I could not possibly exclude my blog. I am proud to present my first movie EVER. It is part of the final project for my film class. Ron had us edit the raw footage individually, so this is my version. I realize the sound sucks. My computer could not handle playing the master track along with the video data, hence I used the sound from the individual shots. Alas, they do not track well together. This is a good reminder as to why I should get a desktop again someday. Anyways, enjoy!

Nancy and Bo

2008-05-27T11:55:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up at four thirty. My heart was pounding in my ears and I felt like my entire body was being heated from below my skin. I think this might mean more allergies. I proceeded to the living room and quickly developed an exceptionally runny and stuffy nose. I do not understand where all this stuff is coming from. And it only becomes more and more frustrating as I eliminate foods from my diet and only have partial recovery or develop new symptoms. I am starting to wonder about things like sulfites or MSG.

This is where the complaining section ends.

The good news is that Nancy is reminding me to breath. I do not get any days off right now, and she is helpful in reminding me of the importance of taking time to stop. Sometimes Bo, her Australian Shepard, will lie on his back and the floor with all his feet in the air, demonstrating complete doggy relaxation. And she says, "I think you could take some lessons from Bo." And so I will try to.

School ends in two and a half weeks. The end is near. The thesis defense draws close. Everything is culminating... I cannot believe it is all almost over. In the meantime, I will simply try and remember my lessons from Bo.

2008-05-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

God, right now the room is burning and my hands feel like fire. I guess we all become Stephen Daedalus sometimes.

2008-05-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have not written in so long! And I shall not write much now....but a brief update might be good.

I am finally getting settled at Nancy's. My room is large and comfortable, and I have been getting used to the new routine (sharing a shower, having a dishwasher, etc.). This week another renter moved in, one of Nancy's old friends. She also has an Australian Shepherd (except she is a miniature), so now we have two super cute/fun dogs running around the house. Pigi is proving reliable and fun, transporting me to school and work. The freedom is fantastic. Plus my visibility is great, and I have not had to deal with the rain yet. I am currently working on reading some Weber, Joyce, and Hemmingway, some of my last readings for the year. We just completed filming 'Endgame,' the short for R.'s film class, today. We will be editing it over the next three weeks. I have yet to defend my thesis, but I am sure the date will arrive soon enough. Other than that, I am planning for graduation and beyond. M. and S. will be arriving home on the Wednesday the 11th, and my grandparents will be here a day or two later along with my dad. Family reunion!! I cannot wait I cannot wait. But the days are still many between now and then.

The year is drawing to a close... I am looking forward to the business of life calming somewhat as the demands of homework will disappear. But as is usually the case, I am sure it will not become that much more unbusy. I am so good at finding ways to fill the time : )

Until Next Time!!

K.A.W.

keep breathing!!

2008-04-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

Oh, moving is SO overwhelming... but I will be safe and sound and established in approximately five days. Let's hope I can make it until then.

PiGi

2008-04-28T19:03:00.000-07:00

My Baby is here!

Check out PiGi. I can't ride him yet, but hopefully in one week I will be able to!!

I have been practicing my U-Turns in the parking lot down the street. So much fun...

Mmmmmmm.....

My Art - A History

2008-04-26T22:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not quite sure how artist protocol works, but I am going to be vain and post my favorite pictures that I have photographed in the last few months. As some of you may know, I was given a digital camera for Christmas and since then have set about archiving my artwork from the past six years -- all of it -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Ok, ok, so not quite ALL of it. That would be a lie. I have piles and piles of chicken scratch that will never be seen, but a lot of it I have photographed. Even things I am not the most proud of. I guess you could say that I am creating more of a historical record than a portfolio. So, if you want to check it out, go to K.A.W! at flickr. And just to warn you, NOTHING IS IN THE RIGHT ORDER! It is one of the things I do not like about flickr. But alas, at least I have a place to put pictures, right?

Ok. So for the Best Of list (i.e. my personal favorites) .... here it goes.

10. The Deconstructed Chair

This is a relic from about two and half years ago. In the basement of Gutenberg College there is a delightful collection of broken furniture. This specimen made its way into the (first!) page of one of my sketch books.

9. Vogel und Zeit

I have consistently struggled with insomnia, and this picture was drawn as an ode to the eternality of the night. And yes, it was drawn at night, when I was not sleeping.

8. The Maritime Codes

How could I not love this series. I copied out all the maritime flag codes while cooped up in a guest room in my dad's California mansion one-winter. It was quite cathartic.

7. The Fountain

I should not love this picture. It breaks every rule of color theory, and is jarringly un-fountainlike. But somehow, though it fails to soothe and calm, it is strange and wonderful, like a planet blackened by fire. Or maybe I'm a freak with freak sensibilities. Anyways, this one is from high school. 2002 or something.

6. Hair

Anyone who knew me during the summer of 2006 knew that I was obsessing over pastels. And this picture was probably one of my favorite productions of the obsession. It is strange, alien, and tactile. Just the way I like it.

5. Batman

Wow, choosing ten favorites is harder than I thought. But I could not leave batman out. I love this picture. Love it. Look at his teeth. Look at his fury. Look at that thick, luxurious graphite. But seriously, it's batman.

4. The Dancer

Alright, hands down this is one of my all-time favorites. I don't know how it happened, but one day it was there, right in front of me. The colors are so bold, she is so substantial, I just can't resist how tangible it is.

3. The Fire Alarm

Ok. So it is true that there is no fire alarm in this picture, but as we all know, I am absolutely mad about the ceiling in the Gutenberg basement. It has always been my refuge in a panic. Don't ask me how it works. But it does.

2. Emily

Once again, this was an accidental favorite. Emily was drawing her own self portrait, and I was drawing her while she did it. Voila.

1. The Number One...or the last Favorite, whichever way you want to look at it.

If I have ever created an abstract self-portrait. This is it. This small beauty was shown briefly at Blue Tower with a show of Wes and John Atchley's work. It was fun, and I'm glad it got some time on the wall. But I mostly just love it.

I think we can all see from this that yes, I practice art often for catharsis. But my goal is to flesh out something solid next year, to define the core of my work. I think this catalog is a good way to see an overview of what I have done retrospectively. Hopefully I can pull something from the collection, the major themes, and common threads. It is fun to look back on, but I do not want this to be the end. Let's hope that some day soon I will have more to show you!!

Happy Friends.

2008-04-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

It is strange how, as the last days of my undergraduate year approach, the old friendships I have had to set aside for so long are beginning to reemerge. More phone calls are being made than eve before, and I can feel the long stress of being a student beginning to loosen its grip.

Last week, J.D. and I went out. There was so much to catch up on I could hardly believe it. It surprised me how the familiarity and fondness of our friendship immediately returned, making it a very happy occasion. Even though we have missed so many years of each other's lives, at some deep level, essentially, neither one of us had changed. We only had more experience to bring to the conversation. Oh Jordan.

So in short, it was a toasty evening filled with much banter and reminiscing, much vocal missing of M., and a great many wishings for his presence next time we see one another.

Ahhhh. June is but a month away.

And on that note, the recent days have been good. The many loose ends of being present at a philosophy conference, transferring a title, paying off my insurance, getting groceries for the week, and receiving the edited draft of a thesis have put a spring back in my step. And getting caught up on sleep never hurts either. Plus Pigi (yes, my scooter has officially been named, thanks to B.'s intuition) is asleep at home in my mother's garage, safe and sound for five more days before I become a legal scooterist.

And with that I'm off to work, on foot of course.

Graduation Invitations

2008-04-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

One other thing (which I believe deserves its own post) is that I wanted to reveal to any and all readers (I think they total somewhere around 2) the unofficial graduation invitation pictures (!) which were taken last week on my own camera (as opposed to J. Sherman's professional camera).

We decided it would be cute if we moved the Gutenberg couch out back onto the steps (seeing as our class is so large and the steps would look funny with all of us crammed onto them). For good measure, we also brought out an end table, the lamp, and some of our very favorite books (note the German dictionary).

Rin Tin Tin took these for me. What a kind soul.

Are there really only six of us?? From left to right, Teegs, Pennifer, Krustoff, Kahteh, Dragon Lord, and D.

And of course, the Gutenberg chaps.

Are there really only 6 of them?? L to R: Chasedom, Rin, Snufles, Pamesy Joo, BeastMaster, and Cobbs. I suppose this means our class has lost no less than five....alas.

There were about a million pictures taken. I do not have copies of the entire group yet, but when I do. I'm sure you will see them.

Blue to Silver Lining

2008-04-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

Oh how the days are lonely..

I know the aesthetic of my site does not very well reflect any kind of unhappiness, more just strange shapes and colors. But if blogs were blue, and mine were one of them, it would more accurately reflect my feelings of the day.

Doing things long distance is hard. Very hard. My interior is suffering.

I just woke up after a ten hour night of sleep recovery from the weekends events: Philosophy Conference at Pacific University.
Status Upon Arrival: Curious but Removed.
Status Upon Departure: Exhausted but Enriched.

Talk about a strange and fascinating experience. On Friday night I found myself in a dining hall filled with 200 other persons, most of whom were undergraduates, but some professors and spectators. What were we here for? philosophy. By what mode would we discuss? argumentation.

Now, if anyone knows me, they will know that I am infinitely terrible at arguing, simply because I do not like to do it. I am good at fighting because this requires more passion. But arguing? no, I am not quite as practiced at flinging equivocated linguistic arguments at someone else, the meaning of which it is not necessary to grasp in order to be recited. Not that this was the majority of the conference. But the minority of this activity which was present was enough to make me never NEVER want to practice philosophy as a profession. But I did meet some kindred spirits who shared some of my same interests and were asking many of the same questions. Not only this, but we were able to actually speak in a way which demonstrated more than a dance of linguistic skeletons. It was refreshing. In light of this, I did not leave believing that I would never find anyone outside of Gutenberg whom I could have a meaningful discussion with regarding the content of philosophical texts, but rather, that I am still interested in reading philosophy for the sake of conversing with others about it. However, the only conditions under which I would ever pursue it academically would probably be within the realm of another department, namely History or (the yet to be developed program) Intellectual History of Art.

I do not think I will speak of my frustrations of the conference any more, I verbally exhausted myself with J. and S. as we drove home that night. In short, I am very glad I went, and even happier to be home.

But this leads us to a problem... what is home without M.? A silly question perhaps, but pertinent nonetheless. It is nothing but another place in the world, as is every place where M. is not.

Ah, c'est la vie, and so I will go on.

I can't believe I want to watch a movie!

2008-04-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

There have been a particularly large number of tears coming from my eyes lately. I am not sure why, other than that the stress of life is weighing down on me. My mother is a wonderful lady though, and M.'s encouragement is irreplaceable. I can hardly thank them enough.

I officially signed the papers on my first loan today. There is check in my name for money I do not yet have. Exciting, and scary. I will be the proud owner of a Vespa in exactly four days. It's funny how with the recent discovery of scooters, my interest in all things motorsports has increased as well. I have found myself surfing the internet looking up information on anything from Valentino Rossi, four time Motor Grand Prix world champion, to disassembling the exhaust pipe in order to do an oil change. Oh so much fun.. I should probably just learn how to ride decently first. Apparently Wes just bough a Yamaha Vino 125 and I hear Jack is thinking about investing as well, which means we'll have the Unofficial Gutenberg Scooter Club between the three of us. Add Conrad's Ninja, Katie and Stephan's motorcycles, and Walter and Josiah's mopeds, and we're veritably a school on wheels (not that cars and bikes don't have wheels or anything).

In other news, we are watching Tarkovsky tonight in film class. The film is "Stalker," which I am very (VERY) excited about seeing. I have only seen a little Tarkovsky (part of "Mirror"), but am intrigued by his theory and style. Hopefully this viewing will not disappoint. Either way, Ron's class is finally giving me some footing in film theory. It is like when I began studying Western Civ., someone finally gave me the hooks to hang things on, and I could start to place world events and philosophical arguments in the context of history. Now, I am getting a footing for the history of film, and suddenly film theory and stylistic differences are no longer overwhelming, they are being put in their right place. Thank God for historical context.

Anyways, I'm off to the theatre! and by theatre, I mean the Puccinelli Gallery in my favorite basement across town.

The Mess of Days

2008-04-15T18:27:00.000-07:00

Over the past years I have committed myself to various and sundry lifestyles. Some of these were not so 'healthy,' and others might be considered harmless. However, the driving force of my heart (and this is the part I mostly remember. How I appeared, my 'lifestyle,' was merely the aesthetic) was seeking to regain what I lost when I was sixteen.

. . .

Oh, virgin heart, how you wept when belief slipped between your outstretched fingers, disappearing silently into the void. A moment later, your hands were so empty it was as though they never held anything at all. And for some time this is what I believed, that it had all been a Grand Illusion.

But those hands of mine. . . they wouldn't stop their grasping and searching and picking at the stony ground, looking for their dearest. Oh where had it fallen? And so they scavenged and hunted the earth over, trees and woods, water and sky. Until one day they happened upon a great mound of ideas standing all alone in the middle of a field. Opinions, facts, theories, equations, arguments, reasons, motivations, inquiries. They were all heaped together - a land fill of language, glistening in the setting sun. And so my hands climbed that mountain, pulling themselves up inch by inch until they reached the top. And as the sun was about to depart from the world, she glinted off the brightest truest, whollest belief of the entire lot. And the whole mound itself was suddenly never there, and once again there was a falling, but this time it was not my beliefs, it was I. But the shining belief, the truest of the lot brought by the last light of the sun, it fell next to me, and I reached out my hands to grasp it, and suddenly the ground was beneath me, and it was though all the world had never changed. But my hands, they trembled, for belief had returned to my heart. And shining, it remains.

. . .

There is no eloquent way to say this. My life has been a continually messy search for something. I have not known what this might look like, and at times I am ashamed that I may have known all along, only I wouldn't believe it. But such is life, and so here I am today. I do not understand the way that God works. I do not understand what I have to do with it, or if I control anything at all. Sometimes this grows wearisome. But more than ever, I do not believe I can mess things up. And this is something of a relief.

Non-Sleep

2008-04-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

I am not really thinking straight, but I will write anyways.

I am tired, and my fucking neighbors won't stop yelling. It is also midnight, and I want to go to sleep. But they won't shut up. So instead, I will write, since I don't feel like going down and trying to talk sense into a bunch of drunk kids.

I don't know why the days are so strange recently. I have had such an exciting last few weeks. But also sad. M. has left, but I am moving and have bought a scooter. My life is changing so much right now. Everything is being turned on its head. I feel like I can't think straight a lot of the time, and I am just spinning my wheels until I finally get to move out.

There are so many things to keep track of ALL THE TIME. so much paperwork, so many appointments. My life is beginning to feel like one big detail. I think the stress of it is getting to me. I don't know if I will have enough money right now either. Maybe one day I won't be so worried about it. Maybe one day when I am out of college and am working full time and won't be putting down a few grand for tuition every three months. Sounds good to me : )

I always forget that I have been in school my whole life. I cannot even imagine what it is like not to have to worry about homework. Not to have to always be thinking a week ahead about how I am going to schedule my papers in with my work schedule. I have a feeling next year will be a very good thing. I cannot wait to come home and go for a run after work without having to think beyond making dinner and going to bed. It sounds amazing. But I'm sure life won't be that simple either. It never is. But at least I won't be graded on my reading skills, or on my ability to properly analyze an argument.

Maybe I will be bored. Who knows, I probably shouldn't worry about it. I can't get ahead of myself. Not quite yet. Senioritis won't ruin these last two months. I can't let it. i won't be miserable for the last 60 days. I will read Read READ! and finish off those literature assignments with great delight. I mean really, we get to read JOYCE. How could I complain?

Alright! The neighbors stopped yelling. And I feel a little saner after writing for a minute or five.
It's time to try sleeping again.

Exhaustion

2008-04-12T10:30:00.001-07:00

After the excitement of the last week, I veritably crashed. I feel like I can hardly pull myself out of bed these days. And I wouldn't, If only I could resist the wide waking world. . . The sunshine is almost too much this morning. It is already 51 degrees outside, and some stoned vagrants have already been mumbling drunkenly outside my window for at least ten minutes. But now they are gone, and I can peek through the blinds without anyone watching.

I think the best way to start the mornings, officially, is to lay in bed and call M. There are two reasons for why this is officially the best way to start the day.

A) Because sleepy happy mornings can be shared, even though we are 2000 miles apart.
B) Because M. is the best.

Q.E.D.

Let me see, if today is April 12th, then it is approximately 58 days until we see each other. Hurray for graduating from college! It will bring everyone together. EVERYONE. even my mom and dad, my grandparents, my brother, M. ... I can hardly believe so many people will be there. It is shocking and wonderful. Like the biggest birthday present ever. I'll take a belated birthday present any day.

Why I am relieved this morning

2008-04-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning, and I feel like something has been lifted off me. I couldn't say what. Several marvelous things happened yesterday. First, I went to lunch with Wes, and Oh what a Conversation did follow.

It is nice to know that there is somebody out there, somebody with exposure to the art world, who actually believes in me. It is something of a relief. I think for a long time I thought maybe Wes was just trying to be nice, giving me encouragement here and there when I would go and talk to him about things, but it became clear yesterday that he has been very sincere all along. This is wonderful to know, although it doesn't make the next year of my life any less terrifying.

I just have to listen to the part of me that knows this is what it wants, not the part of me that thinks I can't do it.

The second event? I turned in a rough draft of my thesis. Three cheers for that! I suspect Jack and I will be discussing it sometime early next week.

And the last event, which was certainly not the least; I arrived home to find a letter in my mailbox from my property manager. I have been released from my lease as of May 3rd. I did not think it could possibly happen after all the horror stories I'd heard about how stubborn the company was. But the impossible has happened, and I will begin my new life in a much safer place in less than a month.

The move in date is set for May 5th. And how I cannot wait.

As for other news. There is none.

As for how I am feeling, the answer is good. I work a 7.5 today, so I need to get my German done early. Thank God for having a month away from reading. I think I may actually be able to tackle next weeks assignments with more energy than I have had in a year. Outside the world is grey and dreary, but my heart is alight.

James is a Genius

2008-04-09T13:05:00.001-07:00

So, Apparently there is a marvelous device called Windows Live Writer that Jamesypoo has shown me. And I am writing in it right now. I don't even have to be online to use it. Thank you James.

FOOOOOTBall!

2008-04-08T20:16:00.001-07:00

I just have to publish these because they are so awesome. Yeah Pre-Socceratics!
This Stefan, looking very very much like an African American.
This is David, looking like a Russian Dancer.
This is Melissa looking super bad ass other than that she is a bobble-head.
This is Chris flying and Stefen trying to punch him in the butt.
This is Adam being himself
This is James making John cry like a little girl.
Whoa. I did not even know Nick could make this expression.
And clearly Mckenzie has transformed into a Leprechaun.
I'm not sure really how much needs to be said about this image. Sexual Harassment?

No, but really. The game was awesome. My team lost 6-5, but it was probably my best game yet. I know Gutenberg kids are all really nice and complementary about congratulating us after the games, even when we really suck, but I think I actually played decently so I took the complements to heart. I think my favorite thing was getting called a "Stone Cold Killer" repeatedly by Toby. Awesome.

So anyways, soccer is cool. Yeah. And not having asthma - even cooler : )

relief

2008-04-08T18:28:00.000-07:00

So I guess the day is already drawing to a close. It sure doesn't feel like it. After I let myself freak out this morning. Things certainly started to go better.

I called progressive and got a great quote for insurance with full coverage. Awesome.

I went to the bank and got approved for the loan. Awesome.

I went finished the body of my thesis and am working on the concluding remarks. AWESOME.

So, now that I have done what I needed to for the day, I am going to allow myself to briefly gloat over my Vespa, yet again...

Mmmmmmm.....

DUCKS!

2008-04-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

I know this is entirely vain. But I just love some of these duck pictures.
Mike and I found ourselves in the midst of the duck haven down by the river a few months ago. They are incredibly domesticated, and let me get pretty close to take some pictures.
Three in a row!!
Oh Blustery Day!
This is the camo-duck picture. It could probably be used as one of those tests to see if you are color blind.
And this is the ultra grumpy sea gull who knew he was outnumbered by the ducks.
And these ones are just cute, or so they seem floating 25 feet off shore. They can be exceptionally beastly things though. They are pretty huge, and will charge you if they feel like it. And who wants to get chomped on by a fifty pound bird?

Oh, you look so innocent.. Poor lonely duck.
And last but not least, I have to tip my hat to the roots of Enlightenment art and Degas. There is nothing in the middle of this picture. It's true.

Starting Over

2008-04-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

I must say, it is incredible how good I feel today. I couldn't say why, other than that committing to a huge change is making all the difference. It is hard though! But that must mean I am doing something right.

I can feel my stress level dropping, but I know there is still a lot going on in my head. I am worried about picking up the Vespa because I have to go to the philosophy conference that weekend. And I am concerned I will not have enough money for next month because I will be missing at least four days of work this month (I normally only work 12).

I simply need to remember that things will work out. I may not know how quite yet, but they will. Mom and Bruce can pick up the scooter, or I can work the morning shift on Sunday and go in the afternoon. And as far as money goes, I simply should not overspend, and I think I will be alright. I have a safety margin at the moment, so I should be well enough prepared.

The other thing I am worried about is paying for the insurance on the scooter and affording the necessary accessories right off the bat (I need them covered before I can start riding) such as a jacket, an extra helmet, and insurance. But these things too, shall all work out. Mom and Bruce will be back from Mexico in a week and then I will be able to sort out all the details.

Until then, my job is to be a good student and keep myself healthy. This means finishing the rough draft of my thesis, running, eating healthfully, and keeping my living space clean and organized.

2008-04-04T23:47:00.000-07:00

So, here is what happens when I join a rec soccer league . . .

Yes. That is in fact that is my head. And yes, I appear to be kicking a ball into Ryan's head. This is a good example of what I like to call Interschool Propaganda, otherwise known in many other countries as "Civil War."

Sunday marks the game of the season. The BiG Day has finally arrived. Pre-Socceratics vs. The Unmoved Movers. Go liberal arts athletes (does such a thing exist??? it does now!). I'm starting to get a few butterflies about the whole thing . . . Speaking of butterflies, I made it through tonights game alright. My asthma seems virtually non-existent, and I am getting better at passing. Every time before a game I dread playing. But every night afterwards I wish I could play soccer everyday. I think my fear is simply that I hate sucking ass in front of a huge group of people. But I realized today that the more I play the better I get. Hopefully I can keep improving and my fears will lessen.

I was pretty set on not joining the Spring league, but we shall see... we shall see. I may have got my soccer feet back after all. Thank the Gods.